It’s so idiotic the way I fell for it.

First known, first trusted.

That’s the rule I always followed.

Should’ve known better.

Should’ve trusted the voice in the back of my head.

I went along with all that you said.

Then it was like you changing faces in the middle of a dream;

Or more like a nightmare, then you backstab me.

I thought you were true.

I thought you were real.

Maybe I should stop thinking and start knowing.

Maybe not.

Make a change.

Make a move.

Do something for yourself for once.

Not likely.

You see, I always rely on others for my happiness.

Stupid, I know. But it’s the only thing that gets me through the day.

Maybe I should stop following and start leading.

Maybe not.

Never follow others. Be yourself.

How can someone be themselves when they don’t even know who they are?

No identity.

You were my Angel.

The only one who saw me for who I really was. And you liked me anyways.

I never understood that.

Then again, I can never understand anything good.

How could I let you pass me by?

I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye.

I don’t even know where you went.

Deleted your number.

How stupid of me.

Now I’m looking back and regretting all the time and opportunities lost.

I still hate myself so much for this.

Never knew regret would be so bad.

Pounds my ears so loud it makes me want to cut them off.

I even wonder if you remember me or if I’m just a lost memory.

Please call me and tell me you love me again.

You don’t have the slightest idea of how much this hurts.

Fuck this shit.

I’m going back to my dreams.

“Firsts”

I remember the first time we met,

as we watch falling stars and eagles soaring through the night sky.

Illuminated by the full moon we lay in the damp grass talking about our lives and our past.

Catching up feels like growing up.

You go past those memories as if they were happening again for the first time.

Remembering your first kiss feels so real.

Fresh memories.

Old memories.

Memories you didn’t even know you had.

They say that when you’re about to die you see your whole life flash by.

I’m thinking that this is pretty much what that feels like.

We get older and life goes by like a stranger.

You know, those who you think you’ve seen before but you can never put your finger on where or when you have.

Feels weird, doesn’t it?

One day you’re going to pre-school for the first time,

The next, you’re buying your own house.

I guess you never forget you firsts.